Down load Questionnaire Here

Down load Questionnaire Here

 “Where have all

the Victims gone”

My name is Tony - I am a survivor of sexual abuse and manipulation. I co-facilitate the Leeds Male survivors of Sexual abuse group which is run at the Self Help Initiatives Project (SHIP).  I am in recovery and am angry by the way that I have been treated as a male who has been abused. I was once told that being open about my abuse made me look like a victim.  I will not write the words that went through my mind at the time or the anger that I kept inside when the denial hit me. I surprised myself that day by my passionate response – I said through clenched teeth  “I AM NOT ASHAMED OF BEING A VICTIM IT IS THE PERPETRATOR THAT SHOULD BE ASHAMED” I said it with such conviction that I realised by hook or by crook I wanted to challenge this kind of stupid thinking. 

I went on to do a Research Project for my college entitled “Where have all the Victims Gone” in which I looked at the absence of any research or examination of this anti-social phenomena. An estimated 1 in 8 men have been sexually abused as children. Boys have not only been abused by men but also by women. Men are also subjected to rape as adults.  A serial abuser can abuse up to 200 boys in their lifetime if they are not stopped.  Boys are selected because of their vulnerability. The abuse is about power and control.

Male Victims do not come forward because of our social conditioning. Males don’t ask for help.  It is seen that we should be ashamed of allowing it to happen.  It is suggested that it could be sexual experimentation or that we are possibly gay and we didn’t know it or haven’t come to terms with it. Or if someone is gay it is the cause of it not something that happened to a person who didn’t want to be abused.

The messages some of us have received seem to imply that we had some choice in the abuse, as I have shown above. Boys, and men, have to deny that they can be victims, we have to be tough and aggressive, we have to pretend that we have no fear.  We have to be aware, experienced and knowledgeable. We are not allowed to not know or show our ignorance, otherwise we are ridiculed, and if we are abused it must have been because we are naive or stupid.

People do not take into account the manipulation and secrecy involved in abuse; the way that we can be made to feel it was our fault, or that we think “I could have said no, why didn’t I?”, or that we could be literally be forced to do what we didn’t want to do and then be held to ransom.

Some men that come forward do so in secrecy and shame. Most suffer in silence and remain isolated. We are here to encourage men to come forward to get the help they deserve.  We consist of men who are working to overcome the effects of our own abuse and are here to support others to do the same.

Having had anxiety and panic attacks since childhood I realise that one of the factors was to do with my abuse.  Other symptoms are less obvious, but I know they are there, hence this research.

I am asking the Question:

"What are the barriers to accessing help for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse who are attempting to work through the consequences of their abuse on their present life and its connection to their mental health ?"

We (members of the survivors group) want to meet fellow survivors who think that their experience may help others to come forward or to be able to find ways of helping ourselves by sharing what has helped you.

I need to interview up to 14 Male Survivors and 4 people who have had contact with male survivors and want to tell us the difficulty that they have had with helping.  If anyone wants to fill in a questionnaire I can send them one with a stamped addressed envelope attached.  I am also aiming to put a form on the web for people to answer questions anonymously.

We have limited funding for this and we have been given some money to pay expenses to the interviewees who participate in this research. Each person will be interviewed for about an hour and there will be a follow up interview a week or so later.  We will talk about the process before the interviews over the phone or in person.

The research is confidential, people’s personal details will not be discussed with anyone else and the results will not contain any information that will indicate the source. We can meet at Ship, or at other places that have a private room if interviewees require. We will not use the survivor label when we meet. The interviewee will come to meet me (Tony), or Michael.

If you are reading this and not a survivor or victim of abuse please do not tell Survivors that it will do them good or that they should help - this has to be a choice.

If you are a survivor or victim of abuse you do not have to participate in this research if you don’t want to.

If you do want to and things are stirred up, we have a support group where you can work through anything that you need to.

If you are interested and need more information please call me at ship and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.

Contact Tony on 0113 245 5151

or email: research@childwithin.me.uk